I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
