guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
