Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
