why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
