Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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