I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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