can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
