somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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