At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
