WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
