I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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