i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
