Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize