3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
