Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
