And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
