well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I intend to get homeless drunk
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
