if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
