Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
