Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
