hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize