don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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