my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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