I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
