I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
