Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
did i just pee glitter
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
