this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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