every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
