My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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