I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
