Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize