Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
