My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i came on her dog
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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