I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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