38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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