Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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