remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
