So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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