Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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