i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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