so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
