I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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