I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
