I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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