i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
