Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
