I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize