i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
