were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
