The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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