Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
