bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
accomplished twins. life is a go
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
