Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize