worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
