remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
