I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize