I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
