You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
