Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
