Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
