Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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