i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
