At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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