My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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