I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Less talking, more tequila
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
