True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
