I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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