I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
